Ares jokes

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"

You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?

But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.

Me and the boys are cool.

What do orphans and people eating oranges have in common? They both are eating balls.

Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."

And the other friend says, "Butt he is."

My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?

We are both lawyers.

What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?

On the school bus, the pricks are on the inside, but on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?

When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.

Roses are dead, violets smell like poo, I got a big fucking shotgun, what you gonna do?

Why do orphans not have parents?

Answer: Their parents are yeet dead dead.

Your teeth are sponsored by gap.

Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?

When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.

I called my sister a party pooper after she came to my party uninvited.

Grampa said that the only ones who poop at parties are the ones who don't get invited.

So I guess that means I was the party pooper at my own birthday?

I think people should date orphans, because their parents are never home.

Twin towers are like identical twins, and I threw a paper airplane.

What did the blender say to the orange juice?

"What the fuck are you, you are so fucking stupid, shut the fuck up."

You: What do you call a door knob without the lock?

Me: I don't know.

You: Are you sure?

Me: I don't know.

You: Okay.