Ares jokes
"Bippity Boppity, women are not property."
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.
Are you a rope? Let's hang out by a tree and drink :)
Why are pirates pirates?
Because they're Arrrrrrrggghhh!!!
Do you like Wendy's? When deez nutz are in your mouth.
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.
What does Sonic say when he's bored?
Punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?
How to Make an Orphan cry
Step 1: Talk about Home.
Step 2: Ask them where their parents are.
Step 3: Say, "Bye Bye," and push them in the Batmobile!
Why are the English so good at chess? Because their Queen never dies.
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
Why are Americans bad at chess? Because they have already lost two towers.
Three men are on a bench in Soviet Russia talking shit about Stalin. One of the men all of a sudden pulls out a KGB badge and says, "You two are coming with me for treason." One of the other men also pulls out a badge and says, "Not me." The third man pulls out a badge and says, "Wow? There's a lot of agents here."
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
Roses are red, violets are blue, You missed your lesson today, so you are gay.
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
Why are orphans gay? Because they can’t come out to anyone.