Ares jokes
A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.
Two friends are in a hospital lobby. Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying.
Friend 1: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 2: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 1: "I came here for a blood test."
Friend 2: "So? Are you afraid?"
Friend 1: "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
Friend 2: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 1: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 2: "I came here for a urine test."
Roses are red, violets are blue, You'll suck my dick 'cause I'm stronger than you.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll f*ck your mom, and you'll be next.
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they never make it home.
Pretend you are an old man who is 77 years old and there are 7 doors, which door should you pick?
The seventh door.
I love telling jokes about orphans. I mean, what are they going to do about it? Tell their parents?
POV you are drunk and telling jokes and no one is listening 😭😭😭
I asked the gym instructor,
"Can you teach me to do the splits?"
"How flexible are you?" he asked.
"Well, I can't make it on Fridays."
Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they are all crying in a dark corner.
Why are bald people very easily manipulated by a shower?
Because when they take a bath, they get brainwashed!
Why are orphans good at dodge ball?
No one misses them.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex?
They both went down on my dad.
Why are the Twin Towers mad?
They are like pepperoni and cheese as a plane.
Roses are red, the grass is greener, when I see you, I play with my wiener.