Appearance jokes

Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.

You have a father figure.

Your hairline is so far back that if you were a backbencher in class and I was a germ sitting on it, I would think that the rest of the backbenchers are seated in front of the class.

Why don't you have a life?

Because you're ugly.

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?

A doppelgangbang.

Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.

Your mom is so ugly that she made a mirror shatter.

Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."

Michael Jackson has done something no one has ever done before. I'm not talking about his record sales or tickets sold.

I'm talking about being born a black man and dying a white woman. Incredible!

So, there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof! Appears the genie!

The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Then, the genie goes to the Mexican and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Mexican goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Mexico, happy and everything." So poof! His wish is granted.

Now, the genie goes over to the white guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" and the white guy asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Mexican people are out of America?" The genie replies, "Yes."

The white guy goes, "Then I'll have a Coke."

How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?

If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?

A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.

Your hairline is so long The Rock complimented it!

You're so bald that your hairline is receding faster than my bank account after a trip to Las Vegas.

Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"

Your hairline is so ugly, it’s receding from your face to never see you.

Your hairline is so big, I couldn't find the area of it on Jupiter.

Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.

What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?

Slick her hair, she looks 15.

Your hairline goes so far back that it was getting whipped in the 1800s.