Appearance jokes
What do you call a blonde girl standing on her hands?
A brunette with bad breath.
Nah, did your barber catch a seizure while lining you up?
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.
Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.
What's the difference between vitiligo and plastic surgery?
Vitiligo doesn't alter facial features.
Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.
Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
I think my butt looks flat, but my boyfriend seems to think the opposite. I told him to be deadass with me.
There are people weirder looking than me.
Like who?
Like people with Down syndrome.
Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
My grandad and your hairline go way back.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead because of you.
Actually, not because of you... because of your face.
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”
You look like a heroin addict in a women's refuge.
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.