Appearance jokes
Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.
Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”
If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.
Your forehead is so big, your face is on your chin.
The more they smile, the less they see.
Why is Donald Trump like a creamsicle?
He's white on the inside.
He's orange on the outside.
And then there's that stick!
Your hairline!
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and get over it.
Yo mama so ugly Joe Biden was jelly.
I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"
Girls with the name Carley have the biggest forehead on the earth, I mean, moon.
Danny Devito looks like one of those men with a short, yet thick penis.
Yo mama is so ugly, she scared the sh*t out of the toilet.
On a scale of 8 to 10, how good do I look?
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
I used to know a guy from a nudist colony.
Man, I tell you, nothing looked good on him!
The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.
So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"
Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.
Me: "You wanna see my dad?"
Some kid: "Yeah?"
Me: "Close your eyes and he will appear."
Some kid: "He ain't appearing."
Me: "Sorry I thought he would appear for you. He won't appear for me."
*The kid laughs*
Moral: Not everything is supposed to be funny text if you notice what was really going on. 🙃
Your face was so ugly, you got adopted by a poop!