Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.
What am I?
Answer: a Riddle.
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
What is black when it’s clean and white when it’s dirty?
Answer: A chalkboard.
I tore up my homework, but then I replaced it with this copy. It may look like it, but trust me, it's different! The answers ARE RIGHT, better than left!
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
What do the initials NOW stand for?
(A.) National Organization For Women
(B.) National Organization of Whores
(C.) All the above
Answer:
Since the initials NOW can stand for anything, the correct answer is all the above.
A girl named Sally has no arms.
"KNOCK KNOCK"
She never answered...
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
How do you fit a baby in a bowl? ... A blender... and how do you get it out?
Tortilla chips.
What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?
Answer: Forever 21.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
