What is opposite of a lady fingers?
Answer: Mentos
what do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked? someone: ugly? me: no, trick question, they are still and orphan.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "sweet and spicy chicken."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs. He asks her why she is crying and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her then jogs away.
The next day he finds her crying again and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up...and throws her in the pond telling her, "You're fucked now!"
A very rich and famous comedian walked in to a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - This vodka isn't good enough for you. - If it is good enough for you it is gudonov for me!
I hate it when people are at my house and ask “do you have a bathroom?” What answer Are they expecting “no, we pee in the yard”
ahem.. if somebody you dont like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this
Hello thank you for choosing mamas pizzeria/ abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce how may i help you?
or
hello this is davids orphanage you make them we take them how may i help you?
some people reactions are priceless and then the wonder about you mental health
Top tip; if your wife asks "what would you like to do to my body?" 'identify it' is the wrong answer
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can i have some milk?" He waited for three hours to get an answer. His mom finally said: "No your dad still isn't back with it."
how to make time fly
answer throw a clock out of the window
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”
Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”
The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”
Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”
Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued.
“As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”
Hey guys how was ur day? If you ask me the same question heres the answer, depressing. I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old, D.K, freshfry, ALYA's "Jokes" or opinions.
What kind of animal falls from the sky??????
Answer- A raindeer
2 boys were at a lake and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady, one ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran, the boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, I ran away because I felt something get hard"
What happend to the depressed kid who tried to high 5 a tree. Answer- He was left there hanging.
A person says why? and you say no
