Answer jokes
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a dirty diaper?
Answer: none, they're both self-absorbed and full of sh*t!
A girl named Sally has no arms.
"KNOCK KNOCK"
She never answered...
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
What happens when you cross a rhetorical question with a joke?
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝
“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
My science teacher asked me what is found inside cells.
I guess "blacks" wasn't the right answer.
What do you call an orphan if every other orphan gets picked?
Someone: Ugly?
Me: No, trick question, they are still an orphan.
Violence is never the answer:
It's the solution.
What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?
Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."
I asked what LGBTQ stands for, and I couldn’t get a straight answer.
Q: What's black, white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra? No, Michael Jackson after a Pepsi advert.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Answer: Your mom.
A man sees a crying woman by a pond. She is in a wheelchair and has no arms or legs.
He asks her why she is crying, and she answers that she has never been hugged. Feeling pity, he hugs her, then jogs away.
The next day, he finds her crying again, and she says she has never been kissed. The man kisses her and jogs away again.
On the third day, the man sees her crying and asks her thrice. She tells him she has never been fucked. The man picks her up and throws her in the pond, telling her, "You're fucked now!"
A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"