ANS jokes

Things you never want to do in jail:

- Never piss off an inmate. - Don’t start fights with the cops. - Don’t drop the soap. - Don’t run away from the cops.

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.

What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

Kill their parents.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What's the difference between an American school and a shooting range?

My dick doesn't get hard at the shooting range.

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"

So I did...

I don't remember much after that.

What do you call an under-the-weather seven?

A sick seven.

I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'

I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'

I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'

I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.

I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."

What's an upside of being an orphan?

You'll never get grounded again.

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

What's an orphan's least favorite store?

Home Depot.

I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.

What do you call an autistic black man with a rifle?

Black ops.

An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"

And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"

"Why?" says the bully.

"Because you haven't got a tower."

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

What do you call a gay person on fire? LGBBQ.

What do you call a disabled person on fire? Hot wheels.

What do you call an Asian person on fire? Vietnam.

Hatsune Miku is not from an anime.