ANS jokes
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
I once told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man because he is far from home.
What do you call an old black person? Farming antique.
Today I saw a little boy wearing rags sitting on a curb. I said, "Awww, are you an orphan?" He said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."
I got a detention because I told an emo kid to "hang in there."
When an orphan takes a selfie, it's a family photo.
Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle? It has an X-O-skeleton.
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
What does an Xbox/PlayStation and Michael Jackson have in common?
Kids turn them on.
Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."
Student: "That’s sad."
Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"
Student: "Your parents."
Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
What do you call an African American pilot?
A pilot, you racist bastard!
Q: What has two wings and a halo?
A: An Asian phone call, "Wing, Wing, Halo?"
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
How to make an orphan BLEED?
Step 1 - Tell them to clap until they actually have a loving family.
Step 2 - LAUGH EVILLY as they BLEED.
Step 3 - Tell them to kys.
Step 4 - Leave that mental asylum.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s penis.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and an erection? I don't have a Lamborghini.