ANS jokes
An old man walks to a busy restaurant. He tells the waiter what he wants and asks her, "Can I have a discount? I served in the war."
The waitress says, "Of course, and would you like that meal with sauce?"
"Nein," said the old man.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage :)
A white dude walks up to a Muslim and says, "So you're an Indian?" and the Muslim says, "No brotha, I'm not 7-Eleven, I'm 9/11."
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me.
Once I saw Donald Trump and an orange and couldn’t tell the difference 😂
What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
Why can you slap an orphan?
Are they going to tell mommy?
What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
The homepage.
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
What would an orphan priest call himself?
Father Les.