ANS jokes
What do you call a bear without an ear?
B.
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited.
However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium.
So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field.
He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken.
The man replies, “No.”
The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?”
The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.”
“Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
What do you call an owl with armor?
A Knight Owl!
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.
Why can you slap an orphan?
Are they going to tell mommy?
What would an orphan priest call himself?
Father Les.
An Indian guy and an American guy in a wheelchair met in a bar for drinks.
The American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk.
The Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
Kid: Mom! You lied to me!
Mom: When?
Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!
Mom: Sooo?
Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?
Mom: WHAT!!!??!!
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple? Apples get picked.
What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
The homepage.
What do an orphan's parents have in common with Nemo? They all can't be found.
Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.
Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?
Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.
Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.