ANS jokes

What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.

Kid: Mom! You lied to me!

Mom: When?

Kid: You told me that my little brother was an Angel!

Mom: Sooo?

Kid: Then why didn’t he fly when I threw him off the balcony?

Mom: WHAT!!!??!!

Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.

What do you call an owl with armor?

A Knight Owl!

Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.

Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.

What's the difference between homework and a hooker? They both start with an "H", but we all know which one we would like to do.

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?

Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.

Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."

How would you best describe prostate cancer?

Well, it is somewhere between a dick and an asshole!

One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."

An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.

An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes.

So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady, like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance.

Where does an orphan come from?

Daddy getting milk.

What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?

Children scream when they melt.

A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."

One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.