ANS jokes
I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.
The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
What do Kurt Cobain and an emo kid have in common?
They both smell like "Teen Spirit."
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.
What do you call a selfie that is taken by an orphan?
Answer: A family photo.
What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?
You get PRICKrolled.
I once had an emo friend doing a course for the marines. He made the cut.
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
What's a joke that an orphan has never heard before?
A dad joke.
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
What’s the difference between a school and an ISIS hideout?
I don’t know, I just fly the drone.
Q. What did Hitler give his niece for her birthday?
A. An easy bake oven.
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim is already in the U.S.
What's an African's favorite sport to play, but they can't? Water polo.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
How do you blow up an Indian person?
You press the red button.
If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.