ANS jokes

Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.

She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."

Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?

What’s the difference between a school and an ISIS hideout?

I don’t know, I just fly the drone.

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everybody that can run, jump, and swim is already in the U.S.

What's an African's favorite sport to play, but they can't? Water polo.

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.

*A few minutes later*

son: There.

mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?

son: Dad showed me before he died.

mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*

How do you blow up an Indian person?

You press the red button.

If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan! What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

An orphan, an emo, and an apple are on a tree. The apples get picked unlike the orphan, while the emo kid is already dead from hanging.

What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?

Posiedown.

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

What feature does an orphan's phone not have?

A home button.

I tried to tell an orphan a knock-knock joke, but sadly, there was no door to knock on.

What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?

One has a home.

Two husbands walk into a bar.

The first one says, "My wife is an angel."

The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."

Why is there only 363 days in an orphan calendar? Because they don't have Mother's Day or Father's Day.

An orphan is like marriage. The kid is always the reason for divorce. The kid is always the reason for his parents leaving him.

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.