ANS jokes
My wife told me to stop being an idiot.
I told her, "Which one do you want?"
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. eventually went home!
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?
Black matter leaves an impact.
Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
Why should you always give an emo a high five in the hallway? You can’t leave them hanging.
What do you call an Asian Chihuahua?
A Konichiuahua.
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."
Why is E.T. better than an orphan?
Because he found his way home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't hit a home run.
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
What's an orphan's favorite movie? Spiderman: No Way Home.
I would tell you an orphan joke, ehh I’ll just tell your parents instead.
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk about Botox, and nobody raises an eyebrow.
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?