ANS jokes
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.
Why does an orphan go to church? So they can call someone father and be loved.
Q: What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A: A stump.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
They told me I could never be an actor.
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
Why does an orphan love to go to church?
Because they have someone to call father.
What do you call an orphan with a boner?
Porn.
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: OOFT.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?
A: An egg gets laid.
I made a website for an orphanage. For some reason, it doesn't have a home page.
Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?
So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.
Me walking in to the office:
Principal: Tell me, what did you do?
Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.