ANS jokes
What is a donkey called when it has a hole on itself?
An ASSHole.
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?
What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?
A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
What do you call an alligator with a magnifying glass?
An Investigator.
What do you call an appetite including apples? Appletite.
If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.
What do you call an animal that smells?
A smelly-phant.
That joke is really not funny.
Mr. Nobody: Water you thinkin's happenin', Ol' Mr. Atlantic?
Mr. Atlantic: Something Smells Fishy...
Mr. Nobody: Well, duh, you idiot! You're an Ocean!
Mr. Atlantic: WTH!?!?????
What's an egg's favorite phrase?
An eggspression.
So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.
How do you spot an English man in Quebec?
A square head.
Your mama is so fat. Her high school picture is an aerial photograph.
The professor said, "I think this question raises a few problems."
The student replied, "That is not a question; that is an answer."
What's the difference between an umbrella and a tree?
I don't know.
Why are Spider-Man and an orphan so similar?
They both have "No Way Home."
I have a friend of mine from school. I always see them with bangs, so I never knew what their forehead looked like until one day they came... Their forehead was bigger than Mount Everest, that you can make an entire Olympics mountain climbing audition on that forehead! :)
Two muffins are sitting in a bar.
The first muffin says to the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
The second one does not say anything to the bartender because muffins lack the vocal ability of humans, and even with the proper anatomy capable of speech access, they would most certainly be entirely unable to comprehend the human language. In fact, the first muffin would indefinitely not be able to provide speech to the bartender. The muffins also lack the muscular structure to be capable of support themselves to being suspended also preventing their access to movement. Even with the human-like structure, muffins lack brains, which are an essential part of being able to send nerve contact within the legs to be able to move. Also, with them lacking a brain structure entirely prevents them from speech. The anatomy simply prohibits the food items mentioned to be able to carry out any of the tasks required to get them to said bar and be able to speak, thus making the situation untruthful and completely idiotic.
I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.
Friend: "Your jokes are too short."
Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."
Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."
Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."
Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)
Once upon a time, there was a crow with a piece of cheese in its mouth. Then a fox came, and when he saw the piece of cheese, he tried to trick the crow. He said that the crow's voice was beautiful, and then he said he wanted to hear him sing, so the crow started singing, and then the piece of cheese fell out of his mouth. He said never trust anyone, and then he walked away.