ANS jokes
Say "beans" fast three times.
Now you’re an idiot.
Q: What's an animation similar to Finding Nemo, but the fish has cancer? A: Finding Kemo.
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
There are 3 men: an American, a French, and an Italian who have to take a trip and take the plane.
The American puts his hand out the window and says: "We are in America, I touched the Statue of Liberty." The French says: "We are in France, I touched the Eiffel Tower." The Italian says: "We are in Italy, I touched the garbage!"
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Home.
I forgot my lucky egg! It always gives me an eggcellent amount of luck!
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"
What do you call an ugly, grey thing?
Cinderelephant!
A kid asks for an ice cream. The man says, "Any sauce?" and the kid says, "Na, I got ketchup at home."
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
Big Dolly Parton hair, like an 80s prom queen!
What do you use to strap an eagle's nest together?
An eagle-lastic band!
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.