ANS jokes
How many times do you tickle an octopus to make it laugh?
Ten-tickles.
A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."
"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"
"We're going with Trevor."
"Ok, what if it's a girl?"
"Then we'll have an abortion."
What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?
Catholic men say eating broccoli is like anal sex.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.
The other day my mom called me a retard.
I'm now an orphan.
What do you call an octopus with eight legs? An octo-pussy!
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
A penis has a bad life. His neighbor is an asshole, his friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan. I mean, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Say "beans" fast three times.
Now you’re an idiot.
Q: What time does an Asian go to the dentist?
A: 2:30
Q: What's an animation similar to Finding Nemo, but the fish has cancer? A: Finding Kemo.
There are 3 men: an American, a French, and an Italian who have to take a trip and take the plane.
The American puts his hand out the window and says: "We are in America, I touched the Statue of Liberty." The French says: "We are in France, I touched the Eiffel Tower." The Italian says: "We are in Italy, I touched the garbage!"
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
Your mom wants to tell you that you're adopted, but you were an orphan.
What happens when an emo goes to the grocery store? The cashier scans their wrist too.
I meant to say, what’s an orphan's least favorite store to go to?
Family Dollar store.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.