ANS jokes
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
What would the Mandalorian be called if it was made in an aquatic center?
Mandachlorian.
Why is daonlyjuanhere an orphan?
Because he is the only one.
Why is an elephant big, grey, and hairy?
Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don’t care if she has one.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am!
The West is dying...just like the romance of an empire, especially the western part of the empire. Funny that, 'cause the East was going strong.
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
What does an orphan call a family picture?
"A selfie."
Q: What do you call an emo business? A: A cutting board.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why can't I get a girlfriend?
Because I'm a beta male simp.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang, because it always comes back.
Why was an orphan loving school?
Because the people actually came back.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.