ANS jokes

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?

I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.

An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.

The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.

If an orphan was Spiderman, which movie would he be in?

"No Way Home."

what game does an emo love?

Hangman.

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.

People named Joey are autistic and need to die fatty.

Technically, a human is hollow. We have an empty tube through us from the mouth and nose to the asshole and dick or pussy. We are basically tubes.

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

Why can’t you trust an atom?

Because they make up everything.

What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an African baby?

A pair of jeans only has 1 fly.

We need to stop with all the discrimination here! I don’t discriminate! I love all races, even the bad ones, I’m a fan of all genders, even the fake ones, and am a fan of all nationalities, even the alien kinds.

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?

Special forces.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

If you read this, you fucked your dad and your 4-year-old sister, you sick fuck... At least wait till they are 15.

I was in bio when my teacher asked what would happen if all predators were gone in an ecosystem.

The kid in the back raised his hand and said, "So what IS gonna happen to you?"

What did one alligator say to the other alligator?

"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"