ANS jokes

What does an Asian doorbell sound like?

"Wing wong wung wang, wong wang wing wong!"

I saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and I said, "Are you OK? Where are your parents?" and he started crying even more.

I love working in an orphanage.

What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.

What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?

A home button.

An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.

Little Johnny walks in on his mom taking a shower and slips and falls under her, and he says, "What's that, Mama?" She says, "That's just an old bear." He says, "He's a mean bear." She says, "Why's that?" He says, "He's got blood in on eye and shit in the other."

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

What do you do if you see an Indian woman getting raped? Nothing, since raping is a normal everyday part of Indian culture.

Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.

Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.

...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."

How are rape and an airplane similar?

The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.

What is an astronaut's favorite letter on a keyboard?

SPACE.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.

You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?

America’s Funniest Home Videos.

(lol)

Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.

What goes pop pop sizzle sizzle?

Two dead babies in an acid bath.

I went up to a kid and asked, "Are you an orphan?" They said, "Yes, what gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

What's an orphan's least favorite joke?

... YO MAMA SOO, Oh wait...

I was going to an expensive dinner with my friend's girlfriend because she really wanted to go, but he just got out of surgery, and he said take care of her, so I said, "Will do, bro. I’ll bring her back fuller than a topped-up water bottle."

Don’t fart in an Apple Store.

It has no Windows.

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."