ANS jokes
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
Alzheimer's.
What do you call an Asian? A stupid gook.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
Everybody does this
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
Q: What do you call a virgin from Alabama?
A: An orphan.
How can a person from Alabama tell that someone is an illegal immigrant?
If they are dating someone that isn't related to them.
If an orphan takes a selfie, isn't it basically a family portrait?
What do you call an acid with a bad attitude?
A-Mean-O-Acid.
How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?
Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little boy says, "That's my little red race car." 10 minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?" The little girl says, "That's my little red race car garage."
So later that night the boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She says yes, and they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won't fit. Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs upstairs, flips on the lights, and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?" The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn't fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?
An Emo walked up to a tree and put his hand up for a high-five.
But the tree left him hanging.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
If your kid beats up an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?
Son: A ugly girl.
Dad: Why not a pretty girl?
Son: A pretty one might run away.
Dad: So an ugly one might too.
Son: Yeah, but who cares?
There are 3 men: an American, a French, and an Italian who have to take a trip and take the plane.
The American puts his hand out the window and says: "We are in America, I touched the Statue of Liberty." The French says: "We are in France, I touched the Eiffel Tower." The Italian says: "We are in Italy, I touched the garbage!"
What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs! 😈🥚