ANS jokes

A cow in an earthquake is called a milkshake.

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

How do you call an iPhone cover in Germany?

An apple bag. 😜

Why do orphans like families? Because they wish they had one.

A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"

Why can't Stephen Hawking be a Rocket League car? Because he can't jump for an aerial.

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away. if you throw it hard enough.

I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.

It really gave me a hard time indeed.

Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?

Son: I don't know.

Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.

What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?

A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?

A parent.

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.

If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.

Why did an Indian cross the road?

To take a shit.

I got detention for giving an emo kid a happy meal.

Why was the chicken screaming?

He had an egg stuck in his butt.

How do you name an Asian child?

Ring the doorbell.

I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”

Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."

Students: "oof"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Yeah, your parents."

Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.