ANS jokes
What do you call an emo who just crossed the road? Roadkill.
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An im-pasta.
Why does the Catholic Church have a glory hole inside the confessional booth?
So a priest can give an anonymous blowjob to another bisexual man, or a gay man, or a heterosexual man that has a big dick after the priest hears their confession.
What do an Apple and an Emo have in common?
They hang from trees.
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!
Whoever put an "s" in the word "lisp" was a jackass!
Q. What's an emo's favorite type of comedy?
A. Gallows humor.
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion? De-calf-inated.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
Why did the Democrats act like an asshole when Rush Limbaugh was alive?
Because they fear him.
Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?
Because they can’t hit the home button.
What do you call an Italian dog?
A labra-noodle.
When I was younger, I went to an Indian convenience store to pick up a lottery ticket. When the cashier handed me the ticket, she told me to "hold it properly." So I ripped the red dot right off of her forehead.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
What's the difference between an orphan and an orange?
One gets picked.
What do you call a mix of nuts, bolts, and my ex?
A roTHOT.
How do you embarrass a female archaeologist?
Give her a used tampon and ask which period it came from.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They never reach home.
What do you call an Asian, a blind man, and a very bad driver?
I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.