ANS jokes
What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?
A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?
A parent.
So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.
So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”
The principal's office smells nice.
What do you call a girl who is thirsty for water?
An H2hoe.
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.
I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"
Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor
One day at school, I made fun of a girl who lost her hair from cancer, and my parents made me shave my head.
The next day at school, I made fun of an orphan.
Roses are red, Lemons are sour; Lift your skirt up and give me an hour.
What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?
A box of crackers.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"
If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
What is black and white and red all over? An exploding zebra!