ANS jokes
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A selfie.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
What is an Emo's favorite game? Hangman!
I saw a kid with no phone. I gave him an iPhone 14.
Except it had no home button.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
What's an orphan's favorite football game?? The homecoming.
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regretted it. She left him too.
What's the difference between a blind person and an orphan?
They both can't see their parents.
What do you call an American house?
A gun safe.
So, I had an orphan friend, and he asked me, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, I just wanted to remind you." Then I asked, "How are your parents?" After that, I never saw him again.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Remember kids, when you're angry, burn down an orphanage. Then they'll really be living the hard knock life.
What do you call an Indian plane that comes back?
A Boomerang.
What do you call an apartment full of black people?
A CON-dominium.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
Why can’t an orphan play baseball?
They can’t find home.
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
I took an Uber home the other day, and the bastard was swerving all over the road and driving on the shoulder... I said, "Who the f*ck taught you to drive?" To this, he replied, "Stevie Wonder."
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.