ANS jokes

Why is it ok to hit an orphan?

It's not like they can tell their parents.

What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?

A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?

A parent.

Why did the teacher get the death penalty? Because she gave an orphan homework. That's on period. #darkhumor

What do you call a girl who is thirsty for water?

An H2hoe.

So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"

How do you get a nun pregnant?

You dress her up as an altar boy.

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.

So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”

The principal's office smells nice.

An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."

Are you getting the funnies?

How can you tell if an ant is a boy or a girl?

If it sinks it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s boy-ant (buoyant).

My son said he burnt food on accident, so I told him he was an accident.

Why can’t you give an orphan homework?

Because they don’t have a home to do it in.

What do you call a bunch of white people in an elevator?

A box of crackers.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Dress her up as an altar boy.

A pedophile is at a school parent night. He's holding hands with an eight-year-old girl when he's approached by another parent. She says to him, "Oh, what a darling little girl you have there." The pedophile replies, "No," then points his finger to a child across the room and says, "That's my child."

For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.

What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?

Only one of them is scared.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"

Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?

He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

What is black and white and red all over? An exploding zebra!