ANS jokes
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special forces.
Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
Why is Harry Potter an orphan's favorite character?
Because Harry Potter has no parents, so it’s relatable.
What would an emo say to someone to make them join the EMO side?
A: Go kill yourself!
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
Jeffery Dahmer has two things: an RV and a pit.
What is different about the two is that one can't move and one has gas.
But what is similar is tha-
Wait, what is Jeffery doing? He has a knife, he is pulling men's pants down, he is...OH SHIT WHAT THE F-!
Sorry 'bout that......
Now, as I was saying,
What is similar about the two is that one has and is a cockpit.
Wait, a cockpit- JEFFERY WHAT THE F-!
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...
What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?
"STAY OVER THERE!"
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on the iPod...
SHE MADE THE IPAD!!!!!!!
Why do orphans live in an orphanage?
Answer: Because they are wanted there.
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage :)
What's the difference between a pizza & a person?
A pizza doesn't scream when I try to shove it into an oven...
An Irishman walks into a pub.