ANS jokes
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
One time a blind person grabbed my arm thinking it was something else.
"Oh wow, this is such an interesting book!"
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
If you're bored, just go hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
I have an orphan joke.
But it needs parental guidance.
Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?
Nemo goes back to his father.
Q: What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.
What is an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy.
What do you call an obnoxiously loud fog horn? A beginner saxophonist.
Why does Mexico not have an Olympic team?
Because all of them that can jump, swim, and run are already here.
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Hitler blew an 11 country lead, During World War 2.
As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.
This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
An African man visits his friend in the US.
“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”
“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.
“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”
An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""
"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"