ANS jokes

Why should you not let an orphan play baseball?

They don’t know where home is. 😢

What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?

The Who?

If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.

What is an orphan's favorite movie?

Daddy's Home.

What holiday can an orphan not celebrate?

Mother's Day and Father's Day.

I don't know an orphan joke, but I bib cried last night.

Because I am an orphan.

If you’re bored, go punch an orphan. What are the parents gonna do?

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"

What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?

An erection!

An African man visits his friend in the US.

“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”

“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.

“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”

An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""

"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"

A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."

The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

He doesn't know where home is.

A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."

A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"

The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."

The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."

What does an autistic kid and a porn video have in common? You can shoot both of them, just not in public.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple? The apple gets picked.

I just killed a family of five.

Now I’m an orphan.