ANS jokes

What's an orphan's favorite store?

Home Depot.

What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?

Motherfuckers.

You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?

You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.

Your forehead is so big that it couldn’t handle an acute angle.

An orphan uses a family bathroom, and when he comes out, he gets told, "This is a family bathroom."

An e-girl went to go high five a tree, but the tree left her hanging.

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?

A. Has an abortion.

An orphanage is like a horse rescue. You rescue them, rehabilitate them, then sell them for as much as possible.

What is it called when an orphan is having a family reunion?

Me time.

There's an upside to being an orphan; every snack they get is family size.

Q: What is a Karen called in Europe?

A: An American.

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

Thanks to an unfortunate typo, it's the most one-sided action movie ever.

Alen vs. Predator.

Why should you not let an orphan play baseball?

They don’t know where home is. 😢

How come an orphan can't work for SC Johnson?

Because it's a family company.

If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.

Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”