ANS jokes
An Irish guy walks out of a bar....
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it, a genie came out and said, "You have 10 seconds to have one wish." Little Johnny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family, and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink, she says, "We should have this every night!" Little Johnny gets two cups every night, one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually, he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives it to himself, and his sister asks, "Where's my cup?" Little Johnny replied, "You're drinking out of the bottle tonight."
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up everything.
Memes
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
How do you blindfold an Asian? String!
What do you call an Indian with pink hair?
Ghandi floss.
Why is it ok to smack an orphan?
What are they going to do? Tell their parents!
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They're both turned on by kids.
What’s the difference between an LGBTQ and brain cells?
Brain cells make up their mind.
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your Parents."
What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.
Me: Tells a racist joke on the internet and no one bats an eye.
Also me: Tells the same joke at KFC and everybody loses their mind.
What do you call an obese man with bipolar? Twins.