ANS jokes
I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.
What store can an orphan never find?
Home Depot.
I met an African girl the other night, we spoke for hours.
We just clicked.
What song do you play at an emo kid's funeral?
Van Halen's "Jump."
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
Why can't you tell an Indian a secret? Because the red dot means they're recording!
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.
What's an orphan's least favorite store? Home Depot.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
"Poor old fool," thought the gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. He invited the old man inside for a drink.
The gentleman asked, "So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.
What’s the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
Pikachu, I choose you!
An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.
I saw a kid crying in the corner. I asked them where their parents are. Man, I love working at an orphanage!
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!
I walked into an orphanage and a kid was crying. I asked him what was wrong and he said some kids were bullying him. I told him to go tell his parents.
What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball player?
The baseball player knows where home base is.
What falls first from a tree, an apple or an emo?
The apple... the emo just hangs there.
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.