ANS jokes
Yo momma's an ICE agent!
You were probably voted "Most Likely to Become an Ice agent" in school.
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
My nephew hated working outside in landscaping, so I got him a job in the twin towers; I don't know why he keeps complaining about it being an inside job.
What do you call a riot full of white people?
An avalanche.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."
What does an orphan call a kidnapping?
A surprise adoption.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked at least.
I was reading a book about an immortal cat the other day; it was impossible to put down.
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.
Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."
New teacher: "I was an orphan when I was young."
Student: "But!"
Teacher: "Is something missing?"
Student: "Your parents!"
How do you make an idiot say how?
What do you call an emo kid at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
What do you call an army of autistic people?
Special forces!
My friend is a pimp.
I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.
What’s the difference between an orphan’s parents and a boomerang?
The boomerang came back.
I watched an episode of Law & Order Special Victims Unit. It turns out it's about rape. I thought it was going to be about crimes on a short bus or something.
What's an emo's favorite type of necklace? The kind that attaches to a ceiling beam.