ANS jokes
What's black, white, and red?
A nun that fell down an elevator shaft.
I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.
What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?
A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.
So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.
I have an auntie who has no arms and no legs. She is my dad's half sister.
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.
Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.
What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.
Hey girl, is that an ass seen on TV, 'cause I'd buy it.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?
You can’t abuse an alligator.
If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
I ate some gunpowder once. It was an exploding experience.
Yo mama so ugly, Bloody Mary handed her an application through the mirror.
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?
"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."
A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.