ANS jokes
What language do people at the center of the Earth speak?
Core-an (Korean)
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
Kid: Dad, I want Santa to give me an iPhone.
Indian poor dad: Son, Santa is deaf.
Kid: No, he is not. I saw him on TV yesterday.
Indian poor dad: Oh, actually, I asked him for a new wife. Maybe he is wearing AirPods.
Kid: You are my Santa, daddy.
Indian poor dad: Pull down your pants, son.
Kid: It's not an Apple product.
Indian poor dad: It's a banana.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.
They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
What is the one feature an orphan kid's phone doesn't have that mine does?
A home button.
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
Did you hear about the monkeys that share an Amazon account? They were prime mates.
If you put an amputee with no limbs in a snuggie, it becomes a stubbie.
There was this intern that worked at an orphanage, and she burnt it down. Luckily, she doesn't have to tell her parents.
Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field. Okay, I'll admit it's corny.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.
What’s black, white, and red all over?
An ethnic orgy.
How is an orphan like a boomerang?
They always come back!