ANS jokes
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
I bought a wooden whistle. But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle. So I bought an iron whistle. But ironically it steel wooden lead me whistle.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
Who who, I'm an owl.
What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.
What do you do when an orphan takes a family photo?
A selfie.
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo?
A selfie.
Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
I was walking, and I saw an orphan, and I said, "Where are your parents?"
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.
What's the difference between anal and oral sex? An and Or!
How do you get an emo out of a tree? You cut the rope.
One day a woman met with a man behind an abandoned shop.
The man asked for some crack.
The woman turned around and said, "Here."
That's where the crack was, you guessed it.
The next day, she wiped it clean, ready for the next guest who "wanted crack."
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
When a woman removes polish with chemicals, no one bats an eye, but when Hitler removes the Polish with chemicals, suddenly people lose their shit?
Me: Are you an orphan?
Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: ....ur parents.