ANS jokes

When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?

If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

How did Steven Hawking die?

He blew a fuse doing an update.

I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.

What's the difference between you and an idiot? Not very much if you reword and post the same joke over and over.

There once were 3 men on an airplane and one bit into an apple and said, "This is disgusting!" and threw it out the window. The 2nd man bit into a banana and said, "This is rotten!" and he threw it out the window. The 3rd man bit into a bomb and screamed, "ALL MY TEETH FELL OUT!" and he threw it out the window.

Meanwhile, on the ground, a police officer was walking and he saw a kid crying and he went up to him and asked him why he was crying. He replied, "An apple came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The police officer said, "That is weird," and kept on walking. Then he saw another kid crying and the police officer asked, "Why are you crying?" and he answered, "A banana came flying out of the sky and hit me on the head!" The officer said, "This has been a strange day." Then he sees a kid laughing and he asked why he was laughing and he said, while he was laughing, "My dad farted and the house blew up!"

An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.

The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.

The man asks, "Is it your first time?"

The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."

If you are talking to an Indian and notice a red dot appear on their forehead, be careful of what you said... They are recording it down... Careful... (no offense) pure joke.

Joke: What do you call a gay alligator detective?

Answer: An Investigator

I was working at the bank today when an old lady came up to me and asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

Jimmy asks an elevator operator what he thinks of his job.

The operator shrugs and says, "It has its ups and downs!"

If you're ever bored, pee on an android. Apple is better!

If you're ever bored, adopt an orphan. What is he going to do, be kissed by Vedanta?

You wanna know what's a concept? An orphan being homeschooled.

How did Stephen Hawking make it up the stairway to heaven?

Well, he didn’t; they invented an elevator.

Titanic - "Yo, look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, let's hit her!"

After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh!