ANS jokes
A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
A man and a woman are watching clouds together. The man says, “Hey, that one looks like a giraffe!” The woman agrees and says, “That one looks like an elephant!” The man sits up and says, “That one looks like a mushroom.”
What is an astronaut's favorite color? Zoo.
Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/
What do you call an Indian in a Lamborghini?
CURRY in a hurry.
Don't trust an atom. They're stupid!
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
How do you spot an English man in Quebec?
A square head.
What do you call an orphan? Batman.
A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"
My friend told me an emo joke once, and I said, "Emo jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"
I lost my luggage at an airport once. I sued the airline, but I lost the case...
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it.
So if I drink alcohol, you're an alcoholic. But if I drink Fanta, I’m fantastic.
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
Bread is like an orphan: plain and stale and no fam.