Animal

Animal Jokes

Lizard

What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?

They both live long with dry skin.

Cheetah

What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?

The cheetah became spotless!

Cheetah

Why can't you do a Math test in the zoo?

Because there are too many Cheetahs!

Furry

If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?

Cow

You look like a cow went through puberty, put the milk before the cereal, then ate it with a fork with a little sprinkle of steak.

Batman

If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?

"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."

Bear

What do you call a dead polar bear?

Anything, they can't hear you!

Cat

Why did the cat cross the road?

To make a catastrophy on the road.

Quack

What did the duck say to the drug dealer?

Gimme some of that quack!

Food

I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.

Cross

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

El, if I know.

Cow

What’s the difference between a cow and 9/11?

A cow can’t be milked for 21 years.

Fairy Tale

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.