Why do duckies wipe after they poop?
Their butt quack.
When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.
If a orphan was a animal it would be a owl cuz they don’t know WHOOOO their parents are
What did the cat say when he got mad?
I'm hissed!
You are so blind, even a spider can see better than you.
Why did the chicken cross the rooooo o oooad?
A bird was on a branch at school today. I turn away to talk to my friends, and another bird was there when I turned around. I turn around again, and the birds are having fucking sex!!!
What the fuck.
Now I've seen everything.
Rat
What do you call a dinosaur with a butt?
A Butt-asaurus.
Can bees fly in the rain?
Not if they don't have their yellow jackets!
What is the worst animal to play cards with? A cheater.
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
What type of shirt do kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits.
What happens if a boy bumps into a dog?
It’s a bumper team.
Why would the chicken not cross the road?
Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)
When I was a kid, my hamster died, so my mum bought a new identical one, hoping I wouldn't notice. It didn't matter anyway, since I beat that one to death, too.
Why do Indian people have bad tempers? Because when they were growing up, their parents told them they couldn't have a cow, so they threw a tantrum instead.
Why did the turtle start flying? He was on a jet.
You smell dirty toenails and pigeon sex.
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
