Animal jokes
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
What do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
A: Cowacat
B: Mooore
C: Cowacatfood
I am starting a frog cult now!
Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
His car got toad away.
Why don’t spiders go back to school?
Because they learn everything on the web.
Can you go as a horse for Halloween?
Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!
Your mom is so hairy that King Kong got jealous of her.
A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.
READ THIS OUT LOUD:
This is this cat.
This is cat.
This is how cat.
This is to cat.
This is keep cat.
This is an cat.
This is idiot cat.
This is a busy cat.
This is for cat.
This is forty cat.
this is seconds cat.
NOW- go back and read the third word from each line from the start.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it had diarrhea.
Why don't bald eagles brush their teeth? Because they don't have teeth! xD
I taught my dog how to play the trumpet on the London Underground over the weekend.
He went from Barking to Tooting in just under 20 minutes.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
What do emos and bats have in common? The both hang.
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.
A goose with no beak, and you eat?
Goose beak salad, file! :)
How do you get a million fowl?
You run through Africa with a bullet of water.