What do you call a running chicken?
Scared.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
I mess up goats for unicorns?
Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.
I don't even know.
Vegan teacher the musical Miss Kadie - oh no you poor dead animal Mr. Beast- 🎶 your a dumb Communist Miss Kadie🎶 Chandler-🎵 yup your one high fluting son of a gun🎵 Mr. Beast- 🎵 I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant🎵 Miss Kadie - 🎵 don’t hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans R us kid🎵 kids- 🎵 we’ve had enough of your problems miss Kadie your such a commie Miss Kadie - 🎵 I just want to die because I’m so sad - Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and comits sucide
What do you get when you cross a shark and a computer? Computer bytes!
What kind of fish do people eat? DEEP fried fish
What turns green, purple, and white? A chameleon.
What do frogs eat?
French fries!
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.
I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.
The last thing I said to my dog was,
"Play dead."
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
What did the mother cheetah say to her cub?
"Go to bed or I'll slap your spots off you!"
What do you call a scared cow?
A COW-ard.
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
What's a cow's strongest part of their body?
Their "calves"!
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
Guys, I'm back...
Here's my joke:
What is blue and red all over?
Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.
