I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
El, if I know.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
"Meow, meow, I'm a dog," said the sped kid.
What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?
The chicken is actually used for something.
What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.
"Police control! Have you been drinking?"
"Go Pikachu! Thunder Clap!"
"Did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
What did the frog do when his car broke down?
It was toad.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Why did the orphan go to the monkey exhibit?
To see his closest relatives.
What do monkeys eat for dinner? KFC.
Why do cheetah always win the race because he cheats duh
What is the sexiest animal alive? The Βυττerfly.
You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.
Your mum is so fat, when she slept on the bed, the bed cracked and they had to replace it by a dinosaur.
What animal can jump the highest the highest? The Emo kids
Best way to trick your friends:
A brick falls out of a plane.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.
Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.
You might think that tigers or lions are the best jumpers, but in my opinion, it's emos, because some of them are still in the air.
A baby penguin sat on an iceberg. The baby penguin watched the Titanic sink.
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
