Animal jokes
If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?
None, the rest fly away.
What do you call an idiotic cow?
A mis-steak!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the New York Zoo.
Why are birds good at social media?
Because they "tweet" all the time!?
Why did the duck get arrested? For selling quack.
What do shemales and barns have in common?
Cocks.
A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?
On the COWch (couch).
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.
I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
What's the difference between a cow and a pig?
One is a pig.
What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?
Both are not a lamp.
A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
What do you call a dog that's faced backwards?
A god.