Animal jokes
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
I was in the car, and I got out and saw a deer walking sexy, and I'm like, "What the..."
Two female mice met and one spoke:
"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."
Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."
"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"
What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.
The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"
The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."
The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don’t know.
To get to the idiot house.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
The chicken.
When do you take a cow to the movies?
On a mooo-vie!
Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.
A man walked into a bar. No wait, a horse,
A man walked into a horse.
One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.
Q: What do you call a cranky cow?
A: Moooooooody.
What do you call a cow eating grass?
A Lawn Moo-er.
What do you call a fish with a temper?
Undyne.
So I'm a cow, guess what my dad thinks of that? He says I'm a loooosmer.
Why was the egg naughty? Because he wanted a good cracking!
Yo mama's so stinky that whenever she walks into a building, the flies drop dead!
Joke: What do you call a gay alligator detective?
Answer: An Investigator