Animal jokes
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
Why is sex with pandas so much fun?
I don't know, it just is. 🐼
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
What do you call a cow that has been shot?
Holy cow!
Why did the cow cross the road?
To go to the moovies.
Once a mustang, always a mustang. - Mr. Shaw
Really funny jokes at https://www.ranker.com/list/duck-jokes/jack-napier
What do you call an octopus whose father left?
An octopie.
A couple of cows were smoking a joint and playing cards...
The steaks were pretty high.
What do cows read? The moospaper!
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
I was in the car, and I got out and saw a deer walking sexy, and I'm like, "What the..."
Two female mice met and one spoke:
"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."
Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."
"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"
What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
There were 5 cows on a farm, one mom and 4 calves.
The first calf goes up to the mom and says, "Momma, why is my name Rose?"
The mother cow replies, "Well sweetie, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."
The second calf walks up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?", to which the mom replies "Well honey, when you were born, a single lily petal fell on your head."
The third calf walks up, but before it can get a word out, the fourth calf screams at the top of its lungs. The mother cow yells, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
I don’t know.
To get to the idiot house.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
The chicken.