Animal jokes
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
My dog died.
Dumb.
How many times does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Tentacles!
What are the similarities between Stephen Hawking and a bull?
They both charge.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
What animal lies? A lion.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A “Lickalottapuss”.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
What do dogs drink? Pupsi.
What soda do dogs drink? Pupsi.
What goes moo? Cow.
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Ok, so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him.
It was a seven course meal if I say so myself.
What do you call a brave octopus? Octobrave.
Your momma's so fat, a whale said, "Hello, Mom!"
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
Why did the ox get kicked out of the herd?
Because it wasn't being an ox, it was being a butt-ox...!
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.