Animal jokes
What’s the cow's favorite place to go? The moovies!
Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together!
What do bees do when they get married?
They go on a honeymoon.
What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!
I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.
For 20 seconds.
And only once... :(
I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
8 jelly tickles!
How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh?
Why did the Chicken cross the road? You: Why? To get to the little b***h's house!
Knock knock! You: Who's there? The chicken!
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.
But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smelicopter.
Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo - u
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
Two drunk men spot a pig on some old farmer's land.
And they were real hungry (or so they said), and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.
And so they did, and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said, "Well goddammit, if it was a pig they wanted, why didn't they just take my wife?"
What did the cow jump over?
The Moon.
What do you call a cow?
A cow!
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"