Animal jokes
I called my dog 5 miles.
Today, I fawn over my miles.
I'm a fat cow.
What do you call a cow that was hit by an anvil? A flat iron steak.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mom.
Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.
What do gay horses say?
"Hay ya'lllllllllllllll!"
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot!
I like turtles.
Dad goat: Son, do you know what I like to eat?
Son goat: No, what?
Dad goat: Goat meat.
Son goat: *Gasps*
Dad goat: Nah, I'm just KIDing.
What does a news anchor cow say for the weekly broadcast?
"Here's the beef of the week!"
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
What did the cow call its own life? An udder mistake.
What do you call a dog without legs?
Nothing, it won't come either way.
A policeman just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous! My dogs don’t even own bikes!
How does a cow introduce his wife?
Meet Patty.
A guy saw a person with a duck and said, "Where did you get a pig?"
The owner replied, "It's not a pig, dummy!"
The random guy said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the duck."
If I look after chickens, does that make me a chicken tender?
Hey, you know those birds and lizards that feast on decaying flesh?
Oh, sorry, I shouldn't carrion about it.
You
You
You're the cow.
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.