Ani jokes

When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:

98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!

1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.

Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

Any singular person who makes fun of the Chinese in any of these posts is deemed a 他妈的傻逼.

Joke not up for debate.

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

Any joke that I make about 9/11 has a tendency to crash and burn.

If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I've got enough to Philadelphia.

A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.

A gay man offers him a drink.

The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.

"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."

The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.

Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.

They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"

He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."

So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"

Ima start callin' these hoes roosters, 'cause any cock-a-do.

You're so fat that you have to live on Pluto so you don't destroy any of the planets.

A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.

What do you get when a cow doesn't give any more milk?

A milk dud 😂

Anyone got any new jokes? I ran through all the pages already.

Why don't orphans have any friends?

Because they don't have homies.

Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.

Hey guys,

I'm starting to think they don't have any candy in this van...

Anyone else know that Hitler had only one testicle?

Maybe that's why he killed himself. Bro could never get any bitches!

These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.

Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.