And jokes

What's got 9 arms and sucks?

Def Leppard.

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

What did the orphan say to its parents?

"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"

They people: "No."

Worst joke ever: me and my user.

I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.

What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang from trees.

The Titanic movie cost $200 million dollars to make, meanwhile the Titanic ship cost $400 million to construct.

Titanic was made by Paramount and 20th Century Fox. CHEAPSKATES!

Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?

I saw a girl crying. I asked her where her parents were, and she started to cry even more.

Man, I love working in the orphanage.

I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.

Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?

Me: The boomerang came back.

Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?

You only need 1 nail to hang a painting!

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

You know you’re getting fat when you sit in the bath, and the water in the bath rises.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?... One always gets picked.

Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a bucket of water.

WHERE DO THEY REALLY GO BECAUSE WATER CAN NOT BE AT THE TOP OF A HILL!?. I honestly think that only people with a physics degree can make nursery rhythms.