And jokes

What do clothes and emo kids have in common?

They both get hung.

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

Why’d the chicken cross the road?

To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!

“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

What is the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?

Pikachu, I choose you!

There is a room of men: Jamal, David, and Afzul. "Jamal is black," "David is white," and "Afzul is a Pakistani." Who set off the bomb?

Afzul, it's clearly him cause he's a Pakistani...

Did you hear the passengers on the Titanic invited Yo Momma and the Titanic crew said, "Man overboard!"

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your mom gay, And so are you.

What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.

So there’s this air purifier in my room, right? It’s really noisy, so I unplugged it to sleep better, and sure enough, I fell asleep faster. So I came to the conclusion: if I unplug noisy machines, people will sleep better.

It worked really well in my local hospital.

A priest walks outside and finds two young boys sitting on a big ice cube. The priest asks what they are doing. The boys answer that the priest always likes a couple of cold ones before he goes on.

"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"

"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."

"I meant the ice cream, bro..."

My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”

A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

What is white, then red, and is very fast?

My chainsaw blade.

What do priests and McDonald's have in common?

They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns!

Your hairline goes back further than when my gran died, and she was buried 6 foot under.

What do Princess Diana and the Beatles have in common?

They both made quite an impact in Europe.