Sexual act jokes
When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?
Guy: Do you want a nickel?
Girl: Sure.
Guy: So you’ll tickle my pickle?
Girl: 😳😩😩😩
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
Why does a heterosexual man swallow the sperm of another man after he has given him a brojob?
Because of the cream filling inside, just like the individually wrapped cakes of Hostess Twinkies.
My neighbor's daughter gave me a three-course meal last night:
Starters - role play and stripping.
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl.
Dessert - Blowy.
How does a gay man trick a heterosexual man that is homophobic into giving him a brojob?
The gay man puts mustard on his dick and then puts his dick inside a glory hole.
What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.
Why can a gay man give a better brojob to a heterosexual man than another heterosexual man?
Experience.
Shaenaya hates me, help! And she wants to suck off ******* and ****** and ***** and *****.
Do you want to play Titanic?
When I say iceberg, you go down on me.
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”
Fila is a cool brand. I fill a cock in my ass.
Her husband prepares them a romantic dinner. The wife tells her husband about her desire for it. The husband was clueless about such acts. So, the wife tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay underneath her naked in the reverse missionary position.
She starts thrusting with his meat inside of her and starts waiting for him to thrust along with her thrusts. However, the husband didn’t know what to do, so he just laid there. Suddenly the wife had an urge to pee, but held it in because her husband’s joystick was right inside her. She loses control after a while and lets one drip out. The wife apologizes profusely and continues thrusting her husband. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another drip of urine run down the husband’s schlong to his pelvis.
The husband throws the wife from the couch, gets up, and says,
"Honey, if you think I’ll be screwed by you for more of that, you’re out of your mind."
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
Who wants a spot of bukkake for bedtime?
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.