And jokes

Why do orphans hate hide and seek?

Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.

What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?

One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

What’s the difference between Santa and my dad?

Santa got the milk.

How do you kill a retard?

Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"

What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common?

They both only change their pads after every third period!

I was at work and a few fat women came up to me and asked for some help.

Later that week, I ran into them on the dance floor. One of them asked me if I wanted to dance. I told her no. The other asked me if I knew what was cracking. I calmly said, "The floor."

So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.

JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.

You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.

What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?

KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?

I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.

If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

What do spiders and Black people have in common?

When they’re black, they kill you.