And jokes

Kid

Twin Towers

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

Pen

Aid

I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.

I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."

Support

I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."

Orphan

What do blind kids and orphans have in common? Neither of them can see their parents.

Memes

Suicide

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

Grape

What's the difference between a grape, an apple, and an arm? You don't slice a grape.

  • 7
  • Magazine

    What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?

    Reload and keep shooting.

    Randy

    Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.

    But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jill's real name is Randy.

    Rubber

    A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.

  • 8
  • Bleach

    Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

  • 8
  • Robbery

    Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn't believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

    Parent

    When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I'm still choosing." She looked horrified.

  • 6
  • Dad

    What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

    Accident

    Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.

    Combination

    What is the worst combination of illnesses?

    Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

  • 6
  • Girlfriend

    Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.