And jokes
What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?
The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.
There’s a noticeable difference between using polish to remove grease and using Polish to remove Greece.
How did a city like Detroit, Michigan, which is in Wayne County, Michigan, in the 21st century, become the largest city in the United States that has the largest population of black Christian nationalists in the United States in the 21st century?
When the 64% of the coons in the city of Detroit, Michigan, which is in Wayne County, Michigan, in the 21st century, finally accepted the fact that they are racially inferior to all of the white Caucasians that are Scandinavian in Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Norway, and Sweden, that are very tall and have blond hair and blue eyes. And after they finally accepted the fact that Germans that also are very tall, and have blond hair, and have blue eyes, and that are also born in Frankenmuth, Michigan, and that are also residents in Frankenmuth, Michigan, are also the Aryan master race. And after the fact that they finally accepted the fact that African-Americans in the city of Detroit, Michigan, in Wayne County, Michigan, are useless eaters and are useless to everyone because of the fact that they are the missing link to evolution. 🙈 🙉 🙊 🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒 🐒 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌 🍌
Why would an atheist rather listen to a lawyer who is on the ACLU payroll, and why would an atheist also do what they are told by a lawyer who is on the ACLU payroll?
But an atheist would not listen to an individual who is a Roman Catholic Priest, and would not do what they are told by the individual who is a Roman Catholic Priest?
Balls, you either have them or you don't!
Why would an individual who is an atheist rather listen to a lawyer who is on the ACLU payroll and rather do what they are told by a lawyer who is on the ACLU payroll, but the individual who is an atheist would not listen to a Roman Catholic priest and would not do what they are told by a Roman Catholic priest?
Balls, you either have them or you don't.
Q. If a pedophile, necrophile, and a guy who is into incest are all sitting in a car, who's driving?
A. A police officer.
Did you hear about the pervert who couldn't decide whether he was into incest or necrophilia?
He killed his mom and then fucked her.
What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?
Presentation.
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.
Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.
If Huggy and Kissy ever had a kid, they would have a good lunch. *evil laugh* 😈
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
My mother didn't want me to love my sister. That made me angry. But then, one day I found this quote: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Since that day, I fuck my sister hard and my MOM harder!
Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?
A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.
What’s the difference between kids and drugs?
I don’t hide drugs in my basement.
What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Shortly after the hole was finished, everyone in the forest was looking for long grass to fill the hole. The upper layer covered it with short grass and scattered some grass around the hole so it didn't seem as conspicuous. The next evening, the villagers hid in their houses and turned off the lights and waited inside, while one of the farmers stood outside and, if possible, unobtrusively skimped on a cart.
Around midnight, the Headless Rider appeared with his horse in the village. He saw the seemingly single peasant scooping his hay and rode towards him. He was about to swing his axe, and while he was doing so, he overlooked the slightly more scattered grass near the farmer – and thus fell into the trap. He clumsily slumped into the prefabricated hole together with his horse and now lay there helplessly inside, together with his horse, which swayed in panic as the rider's axe was stuck in its back.
When the villagers heard this, they all stormed out of the houses to surround the hole. They saw the Headless Rider, and when he noticed all the villagers around him, he cursed: “Gaaah! You stupid villagers caught me! I can't do much down here. I give up.” The villagers took his axe away from him. Now they only needed a just punishment for the rider.
One of the villagers shouted: “We should tie him to a rope and hang him! He tried to kill us all and plagued us for a long time. So we should kill him and let him suffer for a long time!” The other villagers agreed with him. So they tied a thick rope to a branch of a large tree that stood in the village garden. The villagers took the Headless Rider out of the hole and dragged him to the rope. As they were about to hang the rope around his neck, they noticed that something didn't fit in their plan to hang the Headless Rider. Then the Headless Rider cried out: “You stupid mortals, I have no head at all! Why are you trying to hang me?”