And jokes

What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?

E.T. can actually call home.

What’s the difference between a mountain and your girl?

At least the mountain has two hills.

What is the difference between a feminazi and a female prostitute?

If you want the female prostitute to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.

I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand-up comedy, oh wait...

What do blind kids and orphans have in common?

Both can't see their parents.

Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

An old man and a child are walking into the woods. Suddenly, they stop.

"Mister," the child says, "I'm scared, these woods are dark and creepy..."

The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

What's the difference between a boomerang and parents to an orphan?

The boomerang comes back.

I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.

What's black and eats Kitty?

Serval cancer.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

If Joe Biden was on stage and he heard gunshots, he probably would’ve thought it was the ice cream truck.

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

What's the difference between Palestine and yo mama?

Yo mama can be found on Google maps.

They say birds of a feather flock together, so I guess that’s why Kris and common sense haven’t met yet.

Why do orphans hate hide and seek?

Their parents went to play hide and seek years ago.

Who is the most horny and fat ass god?

Kim Jung Un.

Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.

What's the difference between me and my best friends?

At least one of us has a house.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

He rolled away and his charger unplugged.